To Deal with Domestic Violence

Bopha was lying on the ground, sobbing painfully with her hand stroking her swollen face. She had just been beaten by her drunk husband, Rith, for just being seen talking to other man. Rith, after having been done with kicking, slapping, and swearing Bopha from his irrational jealousy, was now ready to go out for another drink. On the other hand, 12-year-old Sokha and 10-year-old Leakena, Bopha and Rith’s chidren, were sitting behind the close door in the cottage, crying miserably, unable to help their beloved mother. But why were they hiding there in the cottage? Why didn’t they do anything in their power to stop it? Literally, isn’t there anything at all children can do to help? Of course, there is.

So vulnerable Bopha was, to suffer from such an unfair, cruel treatment. This is just one common case of domestic violence in Cambodian societies; there are many other cases just like or similar to this. However, those tragic cases are not irreparable; they can actually be improved in many ways, one of which depends on the interference of the children. That is, children do have the power to help. And below are how they, children, can help.

In some situations, violence does not occur if not provoked. It is obvious that, in the situations, in which, for example, the father is an unreasonable person and always like to argue, it is wise of the son or daughter to make an effort to keep things as conciliatory as possible. That is, he or she should try to avoid—and maybe convince the mother or other family members to avoid—saying or doing anything that might provoke the father to do more than just shouting or swearing. This solution works effectively in Lina’s family. Oftentimes, her father is a very self-opinionated and stubborn person, so he tends to argue easily, and sometimes use violence, if others have opposite ideas from him. Lina had observed that if everyone stayed quiet, her father would not get so angry and become aggressively violent. Thus, later whenever sensing her father is getting angry, she and her siblings try to ignore, stay quiet, and do nothing against his will. Moreover, in the situation when her father’s temper goes too far beyond her mother’s tolerance and she wants to fight back at him, Lina and her siblings always talk their mother into keeping calm and relaxed. As a result, after a while of her father’s anger, after he finishes swearing and screaming, releasing all his rage, with everyone else’s silence, everything becomes just fine; no violence occurs again.

However, always keeping quiet may not help very much in other cases. A measure more than mere silence is called for on condition that, for instance, the father likes beating his wife or children when drunk, stressed or unhappy, not just swearing or cursing. Sometimes, having a straightforward and comforting conversation with each others might give a much better way out of the problem. The following example shows how Kunthea, as a daughter, handled the violence her father committed to her family several years ago. During the term of financial crisis from unsuccessful business, Kunthea parents ended up with heavy debts to clear within limited period. This brought about distress and anxiety to everyone in the family, especially Kunthea’s father. He started to drink, and he usually came home heavily drunk with a very bad temper. He cursed and yelled angrily at everyone when even smallest things went beyond his satisfaction. Sometimes, he even used violence to satisfy his anger, no matter if her mother screamed back at him or not. This factor left Kunthea’s family, particularly her mother, depressed and utterly frustrated. One day, after thorough consideration despite the emotional pressure she had confronted, Kunthea decided to undertake her solution, unsure it would work. First, she talked to her friends and relatives about what had happened and, amazingly, she received a lot of encouragement, as well as advice. After that, she talked with her mother and siblings, and, finally, they all reached an agreement. They decided to have a face-to-face conversation with her dad. They found an appropriate time and brought up what had been buried inside their hearts to her father. Kunthea, her mother and all her siblings expressed their apology and desperate need for peace in the family. They told him how much they loved him and that they all understood the pressure he had been undergoing. In the end, everything worked out; her father returned them back with deepest understanding. He stopped drinking and managed to control his temper. Everything became normal again, and the living in Kunthea’s family grew much better, thanks to her very courage as a daughter.

On the other hand, in the case of domestic violence that happened in Dona and Kanitha’s family, simply ignoring and keeping quiet or doing a face-to-face talking might be too superficial to make an effect. Dona and Kanitha are siblings of a farmer family in the countryside, and about two years ago when their father started to turn an alcoholic and a regular gambler, swearing, beating, and kicking happened almost every single day. Sometimes, their father got very violent and bruises could be seen all over their mother’s and their own bodies. As the situation was growing worse, Dona and Kanitha first chose the same solution as did Kunthea. They took a lot of courage to talk directly to his father, but, as a man with a grumpy, selfish, ruthless, and never-listen attitude, their father never even spend a minute listening to them. Hence, the relentless violence kept befalling their mother and them until one day. That day, furious with his wife’s refusal to buy him alcohol, he suddenly grabbed a fairly big wooden pole and went straight to her. Witnessing the scene, Dona and Kanitha knew immediately that they had to resort to their final action. They ran to the village chief and requested him to come to his mother’s aid. Eventually, the mother was helped, but badly injured, and their father was taken by the authority.

In conclusion, children do have what it takes to contribute to the elimination or, at least, the reduction, of domestic violence in their family, except that it is quite a nerve-wracking process. Indeed, in order to advance effectively, all the measures to deal with domestic violence, which have been mentioned above, demands a great deal of courage and confidence to take. Thus, the most important thing to remember is that they must, first of all, admit the problems, not escaping from them; otherwise, they will never be solved. Besides, they have to be strong in facing them with an optimistic prospect in mind that everything will be alright and, with the inalienable power they possess as a son or daughter, the road taken will definitely lead them towards a better family.